WHAT YOU WERE NOT TOLD BEFORE YOU GOT MARRIED

*#💍MARRIAGE is HARD work!*

*I used to interpret the saying _"Marriage is not for small boys"_ to mean small boys in terms of age, until I visited a female mentor that has been in marriage for 47 years!*

*_I asked,_ 'So what is the secret of your over 47 years in marriage?!*

*Beaming, she retorted; _"My son, the expectations you bring into marriage will either spell its doom or success. I married my husband without expectations of enjoying his money or buying cars for me, but with time, my patience, hard work and God-fearing attitude yielded results of getting cars, houses, taking care of our children and all that!"_*

*"You see, if a married lady keeps on nagging in the house, she pushes the spirit of her husband from the home. If you make the man unhappy, you make the house ungovernable!"*

*_"So, I married without high expectations from my husband but simply to make him happy always!"_*

*"Yes, for the past 47 years, I would be the first to get up from bed and the last to go back to bed. I bath the kids, do devotions with them, prepare breakfast for my husband and boil hot water for him to bath. I iron his dresses he would take to work, kiss him and wish him the best in his daily endeavours!"*

*_I asked my old woman mentor,_ 'So then what does the man do in return?!*

*She laughed all heart and hearty and replied; _"You see, this is the mistakes you young ones make in marriage. YOU DO SOMETHING TO YOUR HUSBAND OR WIFE AND EXPECT SAME REWARD FROM HIM OR HER, THIS IS WRONG!"_*

*"When it becomes your attitude to always please your husband or wife, the other person responds back naturally. Indeed, if nothing touches the palm tree, it does not rattle!"*

*_She continued,_ *My son, never carry how rich or poor your family is into marriage. After all, you knew very well the status of your family and decided to marry that man or woman!"*

*_"Love only compels would be couples into marriage but it does not sustain marriage. Rather, understanding, patience, communication and most importantly, forgiveness sustain every marriage. High expectations are the symptoms of divorce in marriages!"_*

*"Sometimes you hear, I want to marry a mother, a business partner, GOD fearing person etc. You can not get all your expectations in one person. With time and depending on your relationship, you may get some. So minimise your expectations in marriage!"*

*_To cut the long story short, as too much cook spoil the broth, she concluded on the mistakes couple should resist at all cost in marriage:_*

*"1). Never say you have made your wife or husband somebody from a nobody. It hurts. The Sovereign GOD only use you as an Agent for transformation, give the Glory to the Almighty GOD!*

*_2). Let the man be Head financially, emotionally and physically and lead or exerts headship spiritually and the woman be diligent in the use of the tongue and very prayerful!_*

*3). Children are not the ultimate in marriage; they are given to enhance your marriage. When our Awesome GOD delays in giving you a child, have every reason to live a happy marital life!*

*_There has never been any automatic barrenness in a person. Abraham got Ishmael at age 86 but at age 100 and 90, he and Sarah eventually got their Isaac. Isaac had a barren family for 20 years but eventually got his twins; Jacob and Esau!_*

*4). Sex is a major morale booster after a hard day's stressful life. Try to be sexual beings and not _"Angels"_ in that marriage!*

*_5). Resort to the Omnipotent GOD often and less to men to solve your marital disputes!_*

*6). Let the women _"make up"_ their characters much more than they make up their body!*

*_Indeed, marriage is not for_ small boys _because_ small boys _struggle to forgive, demand everything speedingly, lack the patience to wait, have so many friends etc!_*

*Make every effort to let that marriage work and the Omniscient GOD shall help us sustain our union in marriage amen!"*

33 MIRACLES A HUSBAND EXPECTS FROM HIS WIFE

A GOOD WOMAN, MAKES A GOOD WIFE AND A GOOD WIFE BECOMES A GOOD MOTHER.
A GOOD MOTHER GIVES BIRTH TO A GOOD CHILD. IF YOU WANT TO BE ONE EMULATE THESE STEPS BELLOW:

1). Never raise your voice for any reason to your husband. Its a sign of disrespect. Your husband need Respect to feel as the Head of his Home that he is.

2). Don't expose your husband's weaknesses to your family and friends. It will bounce back at you. You are each other's keeper.

3). Never use attitudes and moods to communicate to your husband, you never know how your husband will interpret them. Defensive women don't have a happy home.

4). Never compare your husband to other men, you've no idea what their life is all about. If you attack his Ego, his Love for you will diminish.

5). Never ill treat your husband's friends because you don't like them, the person who's supposed to get rid of them is your husband.Just explain to him your concerns or observations.

6). Never forget that your husband married you, not your maid or anyone else. Do your duties.

7). Never assign your housemaid or anyone to give attention to your husband, people may do everything else but your husband is your own responsibility.

8). Never blame your husband if he comes back home empty handed. Rather encourage him.

9). Never be a wasteful wife, your husband's sweat is too precious to be wasted.

10). Never pretend to be sick for the purpose of denying your husband his right of having you.You must give it to him how he wants it. It's very important to Men, if you keep denying him, it is a matter of time,as you expose him to temptations  before another woman takes over that duty. No man can withstand on starvation for too long (even the anointed
ones)

11). Never compare your husband to your one time Ex-lover. Your home may Never recover from it if you do.

12). Never answer for your husband in public opinion polls, only if he assigns u to,let him handle what is directed to him although he may answer for you in public opinion polls.

13). Never shout or challenge your husband,either in front of children or Visitors.  Wise Women don't do that.

14). Don't forget to check the smartness of your husband before he checks out.

15). Never allow your friends to be too close to your husband.

16). Never be in a hurry in the bathroom and on the dressing table. Good dressing &Good looking helps your husband have Good feeling. Out there your husband is always surrounded by women who took their time on their looks.

17). Your parents or family or friends do not have the final say in your marriage. Don't waste your time looking up to them for a final word. You must Leave if you want to Cleave.

18). Never base your love on monetary things. Will you still submit to him even if you earn more money than him?

19). Don't forget that husbands want attention and good listening , never be too busy for him. Good communication is the bed rock of every happy home.

20). If your idea worked better than his, never compare yourself to him. Its always a team work.

21). Don't be too judgmental to your husband. No man wants a Nagging wife.

22). A lazy wife is a careless wife. She doesn't even know that her body needs a bath & good perfume.
23). Does your husband like a kind of cooked food? Try to change your cooking. No man jokes with food.

24). Never be too demanding to your husband, enjoy every moment, &resources as it comes.

25). Make a glass of water the very first welcome to your husband and everyone entering your home. Sweetness of attitude is true beauty.

26). Don't associate with women who have a wrong mental attitude about marriage.

27). Your marriage is as valuable to you as the value that you give it. Recklessness is unacceptable.

28) A confrontational wife, can never keep a good husband and her home, she will be grooming irresponsible daughters without manners.

29) A woman who cannot manage her children, home and  husband is a complete failure in life no matter her achievements.

30) A wise woman honors her husband, and respect him, in turn the husband will cherish her and love her dearly - it will be natural. Husband is a beautiful gift from God, no woman can stay without a husband. No good man on earth can tolerate a confrontational and argumentative wife except they have lost their value and become less of a real man.

31). Fruit of the womb is a blessing from the Lord, love your children and teach them well.

32). You are never too old to influence your home. Never reduce your care for your family for any reason.

33). A prayerful wife is very wise and intelligent and she  is a  better equipped wife, pray always for your husband and family. Conquer all your challenges and problems with prayers, only Christ can solve our problems talk to Him together.

STRICTLY FOR MEN.

FOR OUR MEN
     
19 ways to fix your wife - when she is falling apart!

Your wife can be dying in silence while still performing her wifely duties.

 you will need to know her to know when she needs to be fixed.

When a woman is always moody, cries a lot, yells on Children, can't easily sleep or sleeps a lot, she may be battling with something you are not careful enough to see.

A real man will not allow his wife to fall apart without fixing her and making her better and happy.
If you discover your wife is falling apart, watch out and fix the following:

CHECK IF YOU ARE THE PROBLEM
You might be her problem, but out of her respect and love for you, she may not tell you. Ask, let her talk sincerely

2. BE AWARE OF HER RESPONSIBILITIES
Get to know how her work load is killing her. Regardless of whether she stays at home or goes to work, do you know what she does all day? If you don’t, ask her. Her to-do list is probably overflowing with tasks that far outweighs her time and energy.

3. BE APPRECIATIVE
Be mindful of her needs and appreciative of her sacrifices. The work a woman does at home can be too common that nobody will appreciate her for them, this can be killing her. Appreciate your wife

4. GET INVOLVED BEFORE SHE BURNS OUT
Don’t just be appreciative, but get involved. The best time to begin helping your wife is now. Don’t wait until she breaks down to offer a helping hand.

5. GET MACHINE
Get all the machine needed for her work at home (the ones you can afford). Dish washer, gas cooker, refrigerator, oven, laundering Machine etc

6. BE AN ACTIVE PARTICIPANT
Be totally involved at home, stop delegating parenting and family life. Don’t be a “visiting Professor”, be an active partner in this business of your life. It takes two to parent. It takes two to make a marriage work. It takes two to run a household. Be fully involved in every aspect of your family life.

7. HOLD HER
Hold her like a lover and a friend. Place your hands on her shoulder, her laps, hold her hands, just hold her and let her feel you.

8. JUST LISTEN
Men are known to be good talker when they do,but very bad listeners. At times what your wife needs is for you to just listen. Do not interrupt, let her unburden, let her talk. Sometimes the best way for a woman to reset is by getting all of her thoughts out. Let your wife talk through her feelings and problems. Show empathy. Listen carefully. Ask questions. Be fully engaged in the conversation.

9. BE A PARTNER NOT A TEACHER
Most men do fall into the “Teaching trap” when they are supposed to be a partner, showing love and consideration. There may be a time you may need to explain how better you know but don't be too official, Be friendly. Do not blame, just be there for her. Just listen. That’s all you need to do. And if she wants you to offer solutions, she’ll ask for them

10. GIVE HER HOPE
No matter what happens, don’t ever raise up your hands in surrender. Giving up, crying or weeping will hurt your wife more. Encourage her. Let her know what you love about her. Help her see the good in any situation. Avoid being critical or negative. When she has hit the rock bottom, be the man who lifts her up, and brings light and hope back into her life.

11. BE SENSITIVE
Get to know her mood, get to know her needs, get to know what is needed to be done at home and do them without prompting
Learn the art of looking around the house and finding things that need to get done. Are there dishes in the sink? What is broken that needs to be fixed? Don’t wait to be asked. Just do it!

12. PRAY FOR HER
Take your time off to pray for her, hand her over to her maker who knows the deepest need of her heart . Let God fix her, you can’t do it
Let God know what you appreciate about her. Ask for his help. Ask him to tell you how you can be a better spouse to her. Ask him to comfort her and help her see herself as He sees her.

13. PRAY WITH HER
Don’t just pray for your wife, find time to pray with her, hug her as you pray together, hold her hands, just talk to your maker together.

14. ASK HER HOW YOU CAN BE OF HELP
Your wife knows what you can do to help her reset, so just ask her. She will open up to you, it may not be what you think, so don’t speculate, ask, She’ll appreciate it more than you will ever know.

15. HELP AROUND THE HOUSE
Give a helping hand around the house. Give her a kitchen holiday for some days, do all the cooking or hire somebody to do it for both of you. Let her just sit, eat and rest, this may be all she needs,

16. TAKE HER OUT
Take her out, eat out, go to wherever she will love to go, not where you want, just follow her.

17. ALLOW HER TO CRY,IF SHE MUST
“Stop crying, are you a baby?, will you be crying about this little thing?”
This is what most rude husband will do when their wives cry, what an insensitive word. If she feels like crying, hold her to yourself and let her do the crying while you pat her on the back. It’s a great way to fix the problem.

18. LET HER GO ON HOLIDAY
Allow her to go on holiday all alone to herself, this can fix the problem as she returns with greater energy.

19. CELEBRATE HER
Let your wife be celebrated. Celebrate her in secret and in public. Talk about her beauty, motherhood, wifehood, support, thoughtfulness. This will make her day.

Let the men Manifest

TEACHING CHILDREN PATIENCE.

Teaching children patience

‘For you have need of endurance, so that after you have done the will of God, you may receive the promise.’
Hebrews 10:36 NKJV

Do these three things:
1) Don’t be Mr or Mrs Quick-Fix-It.
 Your kids need to learn to respond the right way to difficult conditions.
That means dealing with frustrations, not being rescued from them.
Overprotecting produces a sense of inadequacy and powerlessness in them. By quick-fixing everything, you’ll rear children who cannot handle life.
They’ll expect to be rescued from all trouble, and become overly dependent on others.
The Bible says, ‘Troubles make us more patient’ (Romans 5:3 ERV).
 Allow your children to experience age-appropriate challenges, and they will thank you later for the strengths and coping skills they’ve developed.
2) Prepare them to wait.
When you know in advance that your child will have to wait (for instance, in a doctor’s office or an airport), help them prepare for it.
‘Make the best use of your time’ (Ephesians 5:16 NLV).
 Have them pack items they enjoy. Because they chose the items, they’ll feel they invested in the process.
3) Keep a positive attitude.
 If you constantly complain while waiting in traffic, or for someone who’s late, your children will do the same.
 Instead, try saying, ‘This delay gives us time to tell each other about our day.’
Or, ‘Even when we feel frustrated about waiting, God’s timing is always perfect!’ Teach them God’s perspective on patience: ‘You see farmers do this all the time, waiting for their valuable crops to mature, patiently letting the rain do its slow but sure work.
Be patient like that.
Stay steady and strong’ (James 5:7 MSG
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ENJOYING SEX IN MARRIAGE.

There have been serious misconception about the issue of sex in marriage.Many folks got into marriage without adequate knowledge about this very important subject.
Because of wrong conception or ideology about what this beautiful ,exciting and enjoyable adventure is all about,many marriages are suffering serious set back,even at the verge of breakage. Many spouse in marriage feel sex is dirty,sinful,painful and boring and is only an avenue for procreation,is not tobe given total attention and because of this neglect and high level ignorant many couples,including so called Christians seek sexual satisfaction from their guard,house maids,drivers,collegues in office,even sort for the services of prostitutes.
Ignorant of sex education made a newly wedded couple to have sex in a wrong part of the body instead of the proper hole-vigina and they were busy expecting chilldren until it took the intervention of a marriage counsellor to show them the right part of the body to have sex.This happened when they decided to go for counselling.They never saw the need to read books or get sex education while they were single.

Another young lady who also got married newly,refused the husband to have sex with her because they taught in the church that sex is a sin before God.She even went to their Pastor to report the husband that "bro"has backsliden.The Pastor had to talk to this sister that sex in marriage is licenced by God.That sex out side the confines of marriage is a sin.
Sex is beautiful and must be enjoyed. Sex is ordained by God and must be enjoyed to the fullest within the confines of marriage only. While getting ready to marry is good to read about sex,ask question,get education from marriage counsellors for proper guidance,but you cannot practice sex outside marriage.
Some people say but we know we are getting married,so why don't we start doing it?
You will do it as many times as you want in the confines of marriage and keep getting better because practice makes perfect,when the right time comes.But have it at the back of your mind that you must enjoy sex with your spouse to the fullest without restrictions,conditions and unnecesary excuses.
An advise to the newly weds especially those married as virgins,don't rush your wife since she has not had sexual experience before.Spend time todo what is called foreplay.This is getting into deep romance,caressing of glitoris,fingering her vigina,fondling of her nipples gently,sucking her breast,kissing her tongue to tongue,speaking loving words to her ears,discover more of where she loves most tobe touched and she too must know where her man want her touches.Is a two can play this game fun.You will now discover that her vigina will become wet and easy to penitrate with your penis.Since she is going to have her first penitration of a penis into her vigina. It will be a little bit painful that is why the husband needed to spend quality time to arouse her sexuality so that she does not have a bad impression about sex in her first wedding night which can affect her sexual involvement all through her marital life.There is always a first time.Any body that is good in bed today started it in one day.So be ready to make up your mind to play along and enjoy sex in marriage.
God wired your body for sex.There is a reason why God created those attractive sensitive parts of woman of the woman's body:her breast,the nipples on the breast,her vigina,the glitoris for carressing,the suculent lips for kissing,and also the man's well body build up,the broad chest,the six pack well arranged on the stomach region,the bysect,etc.All these are God's beautiful handywork for His pleasure and our pleasure.

THE HELPING HUSBAND

I have read so many articles in the past and  still read  from different fora highlighting the roles the woman plays in the home in order  to make her  marriage successful . Often times when I read such article , I begin  to wonder if it is only the woman's effort and  input that is needed to make the marriage work but thank God I came across an  article  today which i found very interesting. It is titled 24 point agenda  for  men  to practice to make their marriages  a success. To some men this agendas or points may not be new to  them because they are already practicing it and even more while to some , but to some men who are yet to imbibe and practice this agenda. Kindly start practicing it too.   Actually, for any  marriage to be successful , the  combined effort of both parties is needed  via the help of the Holy Spirit.  Here is  the 24-point agenda. Each point is to be digested for an hour. Happy reading

A POINT PER HOUR FOR EVERY MARRIED MAN.

1. Speak gently and calmly to your wife. Never raise your voice at her, it demeans her and shows you think she is stupid.

2. NEVER expose your wife's weakness to your family or run to them whenever you have issues or anyone else cause it will come back to hunt you.

3. Never use intimidation, shout or violence to communicate your moods. Aggressive men don't make a happy home.

4. Don't compare your wife to other women. You don't know what their husbands are going through. If you attack her self esteem you will forever have a timid wiffy.

5. Don't forget that your wife married you to take care of her and the children not the reverse. Do your duties.

6. Never blame your wife if she doesn't take care of the home everyday. She is swamped with house work and helping you raise the kids.

7. Don't be wasteful spending money on drinks, friends and extended family. The wife and children are your first responsibility.

8. Sex is also important to women. Her pleasure should be considered before your own.

9. Never compare your wife to your ex girlfriends. If you loved them so much why didn't you marry them instead of your wife.

10. Don't always speak for your wife. She has her mouth. She is not a baby doll

11. Never shout down your wife or challenge her in front of the children. The children are watching. They won't listen and obey her too.

12. Don't forget to check the beauty of your wife before she steps out. You don't want her to embarrass you outside.

13. Your mother should not have the final say in the marriage. Let her talk in her own husbands house.

14. Don't forget that women also want attention and someone to share their thoughts with so never be too busy for your wife. Men don't like to talk much but good communication is the bedrock of every relationship.

15. If your idea worked better than hers. Never assume you are superior. It's still teamwork.

16. Don't be too judgmental of your wife. No woman likes a wahala husband.

17. A lazy man is a careless and dirty man. Keep your body neat. Shower and brush your teeth at night time. She will love you more.

18. Does your wife cook all the meals? You can volunteer to man the kitchen sometimes and cook a sumptuous meal. After all no man jokes with food.

19. Never be too demanding expecting a superwoman. Pitch in and help around the house too. You will still be the MAN.

20. Offer your wife a kiss and a snack when she returns home. Don't just ask for your food. After all, you were home and she was out. Sweetness of attitude is true beauty.

21. Don't associate with male friends who have the wrong idea of marriage. Don't be deceived their marriages are not perfect.

22. Fruit of the womb is a blessing. Love the children take an active part in raising them.

23. You are never too busy to have an influence in your home.

24. A prayerful man is a better equipped husband. Pray always for your wife and family. Don't leave the prayers to your wife.

 Send this to every man you know. You never know whose marriage you are about to save. And to every woman so that the man in their lives can be better guide.

GODLY PARENTING SKILLS

Dear parents,
HABITS THAT SHOW IMPROPER UPBRINGING IN CHILDREN
Please, carefully look into the list below to see where you may want to make amends on yourself or the young ones you are caring for.
Children, if not properly groomed may never get to the top in life, even if the parents are at the top of their career.
Manners take you to where your education can't irrespective of your status, money or the "who you know" factor.
1) Going to your child's school dressed indecently? Think again.
2) Speaking rashly to your child's teacher.
3) Cursing, using foul words or swearing in front of your children.
4) Using makeup on children.
5) Dressing indecently for children (they loose the sense of their princesshood).
6) Putting earrings on your son's ears.
7) Your child hold the cup or glassware by the brim and you don't correct.
8) Your children don't greet and you just feel they will come around one day because they have a mood swing. ( You will be blamed for it)
9) Your children eat with their mouth open and you feel they will grow up some day.
10) Your children bring home something you did not buy for them and you say nothing. ( that is the beginning of stealing)
11) They talk back at you and you conclude it's okay since you are a 21st century mummy. ( You will hate yourself if they do that outside and they are disciplined )
12) They interrupt when you are speaking with another adult and you think they are bold and clever. (Its really bad manners)
13) They exercise authority over their nanny and domestic staff and you let them be. ( that is bad parenting)
14) They say things like "my driver is on his way..."
I am not an advocate that children should call your domestic staff aunty or brother, calling them by name when they are not young people is not poise either. The use of Miss, Mr or Mrs will look good on them.
15) Your children don't say- 'Thank you' when they have been helped or served something and you are cool with that. (Bad parenting)
16) When your children cannot stand children who are less privileged.
18) When they pick their nose with their hands.
19) When they don't wash their hands after visiting the washroom.
20) When your children take something from the fridge without taking permission. (Bad parenting)
21) When your children don't knock on closed doors.
22) When your children don't collect from your hands the stuff you brought in as you walk in through the door.
23) When your children request for a bribe to carry out their home chores or extra task. (That is disgraceful )
24) When your children act like their grand parents irritate them.
25) When your children have not learnt to get up from the chair for the elderly or visitors to sit.
26) When your child tells a lot of lies. (You will both cry in the future)
27) When your child asks "who is that?" at a knock on your door instead of "please, who is there."
28) When your child is always seated by your visitors when being served drinks etc.
29) When your children still point their fingers at other people.
30) When your children play and jump around when prayers are going on.(age 4 above).                                   Dont be a 21st Century  parent who cannot correct a child. Train your child in the way of the Lord so that when he grows up he will not depart frm it.   IT IS BETTER TO LET YOUR CHILDREN  CRY AT AN EARLY AGE  WHEN YOU CORRECT THEM, IF NOT YOU WILL BOTH CRY AT NIGHT WHEN THEY BRING DISGRACE TO THE FAMILY WITH BAD AND TERRIBLE BEHAVIOURS
Pls circulate to all parents and grandparents that are on your contact list to assure us all a better future. God bless you.